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Friday, October 10, 2008 11:09 PM
.:25 till 27:.

Just like the title suggests, 25 hours until I am 27!

It's strange. I know I am still young, but when you start getting up, closer to 30, you really do start to feel older. Not really in a bad way, though. If I could, I'd probably stay 27 forever. I feel like the late 20's are the best years of your life, and 27 is right there in the middle of the late 20's.

Every birthday, I have habit of reflecting on my life, looking at all the things I've been through. The good times, the bad times, the fun times. It can be sad and frustrating, but it can also be happy, funny, and heart-warming. But thankfully, there is more good than bad.

So, in celebration of the 27 years I've walked this earth, I've decided to write about 6 things that have happened in my past that still stand out today. A few will be bad, a few will be good, to give an even account of myself. Here it goes...


1) Age 13. Trip To Florida.
When me, my parents, and my step-brother went to Florida, it was seriously the BEST week of my life. I had so much fun. It felt like I was on an alien planet. Miami was completely different than the little town I grew up in. I remember thinking "When I grow up, I'm living in Miami." I would never want to live there now, but I would certainly love to go back. The beaches were amazing, the sun was amazing, the atmosphere and scenery were amazing. I can't remember ever having so much fun. My mother and I spent every second together down there. We were like best friends. I wish we still had that today.

2) Age 13. Death Of Aunt Cheryl.
Aunt Cheryl was my favorite aunt. She was seriously like a second mother to me, and in some ways, a better mother than my own was. All the things a mother is supposed to teach her baby girl were taught to me by my aunt. Sex, drugs, relationship advice, puberty, all that crap, my aunt Chery talked to me about. I always trusted her with anything, and she would be the first one I would call when I had a problem. When my parents found out about me being a lesbian, my mother stuck the knife in my heart by saying, "Think about how disgusted Aunt Cheryl would be." But, I know for a fact she would not be disgusted. She was proud of me no matter what I did, and I thank her for the confidence she instilled in me.

3) Age 15. First Time I Had Sex.
The first time I had sex was with a guy. It was so awkward for me. I didn't know what I wanted. I was scared because I found myself being attracted to girls, but I was also somewhat attracted to guys. Looking back, I think the only reason I was attracted to guys was because I thought I had to be. A boy asked me to be his girlfriend, so I said yes. He was cute and nice, so it was no big deal. I remember how nervous both of us were when we were about to do it. Me more so than him. I was shaking. ****Detailed**** I was so nervous he couldn't even get his dick in me. Completely dry. Maybe if I wasn't an idiot and made him wear a condom we wouldn't have had that problem. He came in about 40 seconds, all over my belly. It felt so weird and I was so embarrassed. I freaked out and made a big deal out of it for some reason. It was warm and sticky and gross. That's when I decided I never wanted to see cum again. Unfortunately, I'd have a very bad experience later on when I was giving a guy a blowjob and he didn't tell me when he was cumming. Choking on semen is something I suggest no one ever do.

4) Age 17. Perverted Gym Teacher.
(this involves an unwanted sexual encounter with a teacher, so don't read it if you are sensitive to that)

I don't like to talk about this very much, but I'm feeling okay enough to write about it now. I had a gym teacher in 11th grade, who for some reason was the object of all my girl friends' affection. They loved him and thought he was the hottest thing to walk the Earth. Let me tell you, he was not. I knew from the first time I laid eyes on him that he was a pervert, mainly because of the way he laid his eyes back on me (I've had big boobs my whole life). And I was completely right about him. He cornered me in the girls locker room one morning before swimming class when I was late for school. I was the only one in the locker room. He put his hands down my pants, kissed my neck. Ugh, it was disgusting, and traumatizing for a while. Unlike a lot of girls, I told my parents right away. I guess me stepping up helped a few other girls gain the courage to step up, and a few weeks later, he was fired and going to trial for sexual assault and molestation charges. As far as I know, he received probation after a year in prison, and lost his teaching license. He deserves more, but I'm satisfied. It turned out I was the lucky one. Two of the other girls actually had sex with him. Whether it was forced or "consensual" (I put it in quotes because at their age, 16, legally they can't consent to having sex with someone over 18. He was in his 30's) I do not know, but either way, I feel so bad for them.

5) Age 17. Getting my driver's license.
This is a bitter-sweet moment for me. I was a late bloomer when it came to driving. I was getting in trouble when I was about 16, and my parents wouldn't let me get my license until I straightened out. My dad taught me how to drive, and took me for my road test right before my 18th birthday. I felt like he was my enthusiastic co-pilot for those months before I took the test. Once I passed and started driving on my own, it was very strange not having him in the passenger seat looking out for me. It was also one of the last things him and I did together. A few months later is when he found out I liked girls and basically disowned me.

6) Age 18. Graduating High School.
To me, it felt like my life was really about to start. I lived on my own, I took care of myself, and the only thing keeping me from being a completely free woman was school. It was so liberating to leave. The whole world was up for grabs, and I was so determined to take it. I had huge dreams back then, and obviously I haven't achieved them, but I am so happy with where I am today. I'm not even sure if I would trade what I have now for what I wanted back then.

(Looking back and reading all these, I don't see one purely good memory out of all 6. They all have bad connotations attached to them. That worries me a little bit.)

Ok, so it turns out the memories that stuck out the most to me all happened in my teens, but whatever. Your teenage years are always the most significant. Those years decide who you will be later on in life. Any teens reading this, you shouldn't be unless your 18, but also, remember that your teens are the best years of your life and also the most important. I guarantee you will look back and wish you would have done something differently. We all do, so do your best and go for what you want.

Anyone who reads this should do something like this on your own blog. Even if it's not your birthday in 24 hours and 15 minutes (Nicole's is in 8 days!), do it anyways. I'd love to read it. If you do do it, come back here and post a comment with a link so I can check it out.

<3 Sarah <3
...

2 french kisses:.
10:18 PM
.:Follow Me:.

Ever since I made this blog, I've been trying to figure out how to add a followers thing to the custom layout, but can not for the life of me find anything about how to do it. So, here's what Taylor and I did:

In each of our profiles, there is now another blog called Taylor Made + Girl Likes Girl. It has the followers thing on the sidebar, so you can subscribe to that, and any time one of us updates our blog, we will update that blog as well so it will show up in your Dashboard under the recent updates section.

I know it's a pretty convoluted and out-of-the-way process, but it's the best we can do at the moment. I'm going to try and figure out how to make it simpler. I have some experience with HTML, Java, CSS, and all that good stuff, but nothing fancy, plus I have no experience with running blogs, so there's A LOT I don't know.

So yeah, go ahead and subscribe, and thanks for reading and commenting.

<3 Sarah <3
...

0 french kisses:.
Thursday, October 9, 2008 10:30 PM
.:Out With The Old:.

I started packing for NY today. I have many days left, well, not many days, but a few days left before I really need to start packing, but I am so excited about it that I just couldn't bear it and started to pack anyways.

I remember reading another blog, I can't remember which one, but the girl was talking about cleaning out her closet. Oh, it was Clever Girl Goes Blog. So yeah, I was going through my closets and packing some clothes and realized I had so much crap that I don't even wear anymore. It's so hard to part with such cute clothes that you love so much, but why keep something I can't even fit in to anymore? I don't want reminders of how skinny I used to be staring me in the face every day. That was a little over-dramatic since I'm not over-weight, but you get what I mean.

I'm going to donate all of the clothes. I would feel like a bitch if I didn't. It was sad putting the clothes in the bags. But there is one very bright and shiny side to all of this...

BUYING NEW CLOTHES!

Before I leave for NY, I am totally going to go shopping. I get paid tomorrow, big bonus added on, so I will be spending a better portion of the afternoon and evening in the mall with a big grin stretched across my face. I can not wait. I am going to look so good in NY.

On another note, I spoke to the lawyer handling the adoption agency scandal. He says I don't really have a case since we can't prove that the women said what they said. It's no big deal to me, but he did say that he spoke to the board that oversees the agency, and they said they will assure that I am treated fairly if I decide to come back.

That's huge.

I'm not sure if I want to now, though. Knowing that I possibly can have a kid now scares me. Am I really ready? Actually, I know I'm not ready this very minute, but a few months or a year from now, I will be. I also have to be sure Taylor wants this. With or without her, I am doing it, but I can't do it with her if she doesn't want it. I'm pretty sure she does want it eventually, but I have no idea how long 'eventually' is. Hopefully with-in a year.

I'm also considering insemination. I swear I was meant to be a mother because I am craving carrying a child. I imagine it would be so wonderful. I really think that is the route I will go rather than adoption. Maybe for a second child I will adopt. I do want 2 kids. I just have to make sure I find the right sperm donor. He has to be extremely good looking. I know that is very shallow, but I don't care. I want a gorgeous baby. I will check every inch of this man's life to make sure he has great genes and all that. This is important to me.

I have baby fever!

<3 Sarah <3
...

2 french kisses:.
12:28 AM
.:The Things You Do:.

Tonight I heard someone say the funniest thing. Taylor and I met up with Erica and her sister Jackie at the bar we always go to by my house. We were just there to have a couple drinks and kill an hour of the night instead of sitting at home all night like we usually do.

So Jackie is a talker. By that, I mean she never shuts up. She will go on and on for hours about anything, changing subjects on the fly, and inevitably losing her listeners because of how disorganized her thoughts are, but thats a whole other story. What really caught my attention was something I have seen many times before, but never really thought about how ridiculous it sounded until tonight.

Jackie was talking about an ex-boyfriend of hers whose name I can't remember. We'll call him John, for clarity's sake. So John broke up with Jackie like...3 years ago, I think, and started dating a friend of hers named Catherine. Jackie was pissed, but mostly she was jealous. What she did out of that jealousy is what I never before realized was so weird...

She changed her appearance - dying her hair, cutting her hair, changing the makeup she wears, clothes she wears, etc. - to look more like Catherine so maybe John would be re-interested in her.

Her logic was that, physically, Catherine was what John wanted, so if she physically looked like Catherine, John would want her.

Her theory was based completely on appearance. For a moment, I actually nodded my head and was thinking, "Not a bad idea." Then, I mentally slapped myself in the face and told myself to think about what this girl is saying. She is basing her whole idea of the thought that people only have looks/appearance in mind when selecting a boyfriend or girlfriend.

What happened to personality?

I have seen this so many times before, and I'm starting to wonder why I never realized these people weren't considering that THEY ARE NOT THE SAME AS THE PERSON THEY ARE TRYING TO BE LIKE. You can look like them all you want, but you will never be them. We are all different people, and if John didn't want to be with Jackie anymore, obviously it wasn't because of her looks since they dated for 2 or 3 years, it was because he thought Catherine was a better person on the inside.

Personality needs to be important to everyone. I mean that in two ways. 1) Personality needs to be something you look for when dating, and 2) Try to make sure you have a good personality, because looks aren't the only thing you have that makes you attractive.

<3 Sarah <3
...

2 french kisses:.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008 4:19 PM
.:Haircuts, Vacations, and Crazy Ladies:.

More good news (sort of) from work. I found out next week I get to spend 3 days in New York for a business meeting. I've been invited by my supervisor to attend. I wasn't actually invited, it was more of a requirement. No choice, really. Should be fun though. I've been to New York before, and loved it. It was a lot of fun, so it will be cool to go back. Plus, I have a friend who lives there that I haven't seen in some time, so maybe I'll get to see her.

I am a little sad about leaving Taylor, though. I wish she could come with me. Even though it's only 3 days, it will be the longest amount of time we've been apart since we met in April. It's going to be weird, and I will miss her so much.

I don't know if I'll have time to update my blog while I'm there. Hopefully I will. I probably will, actually, but I don't know for sure. It will be cool to be blogging from NYC. I'm sure I'll have some great things to talk about.

I got my haircut today! Yay! It looks so cute. I get it cut by the same lady every time because she does such a wonderful job on it. Even though it makes me nervous, I posted a picture of it anyways just so you can see how cute it is (took the picture down. sorry!), and prove that the lady who said I look like Anne Hathaway is crazy. I look nothing like her, but somehow she convinced me I did. I guess it was wishful thinking. I'm not leaving this picture up for long, though. lol I don't know why, but it makes me nervous having pictures of me on the internet. It's taken with a camera phone, so pardon the poor quality.

So things have gotten very strange with Kayla at work. She acts so weird when we talk to each other. I knew something like this was going to happen, and it's very disappointing. It's exactly why I didn't want to go out with her. I don't know what to do about it. It's sad because I really do like her - as a friend, of course - and don't want things to be bad between us.

Maybe I should just talk to her. I don't want to give her the wrong idea though. I'll just have to choose my words very carefully. It won't be healthy for either of us having to deal with this on a daily basis at work. We need to be able to be friends or at least not feel awkward around each other. I wish I would have never gone out with her or kissed her. Big mistake.

<3 Sarah <3
...

5 french kisses:.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008 7:44 PM
.:Where Have I Been?:.

I feel like I haven't updated this thing in so long. It's only been a day, but to me, it's a lifetime.

When did sex become a chore? It isn't for me. I'm in a perfectly perfect (?) sexual relationship, but last night, I went out with Taylor and two friends of ours who are also husband and wife. We ate a lovely dinner, drank some wine, and talked about everything. It has been a few months since we've spent time together, so we had a lot to catch up on.

This particular couple is a happy couple, but not the happiest. They have their ups, and they have their downs, but they seem to have more downs than ups. What is unique about them is they aren't afraid to discuss their downs with other people in front of each other.

James (the husband) made it known that he isn't too thrilled about the state of their sex life. They civilly went back and forth with each other about things they do that they like and things they do that the other doesn't like. During this exchange, Rachel (the wife) said something along the lines of...

"Most of the time I'm just not in the mood. It just feels like too much work."

I couldn't believe that. I asked her what she meant, and she said something like she feels like she is expected to perform a certain way and that it involves so much effort for something so little. I was speechless.

Keep in mind, these two are about my age. James is 29 and Rachel is 27. They're young by all standards. How in the world have they hit a point where sex takes too much effort to be worth the time? Married couples in their late 50's and 60's would KILL to have the sex drive and stamina and health to have sex like they were in their 20's.

Is it just marriage that causes this? Could it be that after being with the same person so long, you simply just lose interest in sex with them?

Eventually I got Rachel alone at the bar and asked her those questions. Her answer to both questions was 'yes'. She made it very clear that she loved James more than anything and doesn't want to be with anyone else, but she also made it clear that if it was another guy that was trying to have sex with her, she would be much more motivated. It was sad to hear, but I have to admit, it makes sense. I like to think that I will never think like that, though, because to me, when I fall in love with someone who I want to spend the rest of my life with, that feeling alone would keep the sex from ever getting boring. If I started to feel like I needed someone else to fulfill me, then it would be obvious to me that I never really loved that person like I thought I did. I am confident this will never happen because I know when I really love someone.

I hope.

It just scares me to see things like that. I'm getting older now and getting to the point where, if it's ever legal, marriage will be in the near future. I want to settle down, get a house together, have a dog or something, and have a child - whether by adoption or artificial insemination, it doesn't matter to me. In fact, I'd prefer the latter because carrying a child is something I would love to do. Plus, I think children should be breast fed, and I couldn't feed a baby I didn't give birth to.

But like I was saying, it scares me because it makes me think all marriages are doomed from the start. Will Taylor and I lose our attraction to one another? Will we hate each other somewhere down the road? Get divorced? I don't want any of that. I want to be absolutely sure that we stick with what we start and stay happy throughout all of it. I trust Taylor with my life, but so did James and Rachel, and look at them now. It seems like what they are going through is out of their control. It just happened. Will it be the same for Taylor and I? I certainly hope not.

<3 Sarah <3
...

2 french kisses:.
Sunday, October 5, 2008 9:07 PM
.:Long Walk With Nothing To Think About:.

Instead of drinking wine, sleeping, or sticking blown glass in my body, I decided it might be healthy to take a walk before Taylor got off work. It was a good idea, but it reminded me how out of shape I am. So, alright, I'm not really "out of shape," but I certainly have lost the athletic physique I had in my teens and early twenties. I miss being able to run many miles without stopping. Running cross country was one of of my favorite things to do. Now I can't even walk five miles without being completely winded. Smoking certainly doesn't help...nasty habit.

Towards the end of the walk, I started thinking about how nice it would be to finally get home and take a hot bath. Just the thought of soaking my sore body in hot water had me more aroused than I was before I left for the walk. But I also realized that whenever anything happens and it causes you to have a bad day, or leaves you stressed out, or has you feeling sore and tired, a hot bath will always fix it.

I have never taken a hot bath and not felt completely renewed when I got out. I think it might actually be impossible not to be relaxed by a hot bath. Try it. Next time any of you have a bad day, or you fight with your boyfriend/girlfriend, or you get fired, or anything, take a hot bath and see if it doesn't help.

<3 Sarah <3
...

2 french kisses:.
8:22 PM
.:Listen To This:.

Since I have two blogs, Taylor and I came up with an idea of what to do with the second one since it has just been sitting around doing nothing. She will be using it. So, if you want to read things she has to say, check out her blog. I've added a link to it on the sidebar to the right.

Check it out and say hi to my favorite girl!

I Am Taylor Made

<3 Sarah <3
...

0 french kisses:.
5:55 PM
.:Sunday Bloody Sunday:.

This has to be the most boring Sunday I've lived through in a long time. I have no idea why. There is nothing different about this Sunday. It's just like every other one. Maybe that's why it's boring. It's getting old.

The worst part is Taylor works all day, and for some reason unknown to me, I am extremely horny. I can't explain it, but it's the worst feeling. It's like torture, being alone and horny. I could take care of it myself, but just like Sunday, that's too boring for me right now. I need another human being, another girl to satisfy it. If this were any other day and it was just a slight urge, I would have already been done with it. But no, not today. This is a desire I can't fight alone, but I have no other choice.

How hot would that be if I went to Taylor's restaurant, snuck her into the bathroom, and just made her have her with me right there in the stall? Oh God, I shouldn't even be thinking like that. It makes it so much worse. It would be incredibly hot, though.

I should just drink some wine and fall asleep. Yeah, that will work. I'm going to do that. Right after I break in my new glass toy!

<3 Sarah <3
...

0 french kisses:.
3:21 PM
.:Proposition 8:.

I believe it is my duty as a lesbian woman to help prevent Proposition 8, which if passed, the proposition would change the California Constitution to eliminate the right of same-sex couples to marry in California. I believe in equal rights for gay and lesbians, so I am deeply against this potential limitation of rights for AMERICAN CITIZENS, which we are considered. Also, if it does not pass, it gives me and Taylor an excuse to take a vacation to California : ). And it gives me an excuse to wear this:

But seriously, I think it's time our own government stops trying to limit the rights and freedoms of its own citizens. Think about it for a minute. Gays and lesbians, potentially, aren't the only ones who will be affected by this in the long run. Think about your civil liberties and the precedent that is being set (and already has been set) by this. The Patriot Act comes to mind. The more we sit back and watch as they slowly remove some our freedoms, the faster they will realize that we are just going to sit back and watch as they remove ALL of our freedoms.

Don't let your freedoms be taken away by closed-minded, ignorant fools that run our state and federal governments. If you believe in freedom for all citizens, the right for every American to lead a happy life, and you are eligible to vote in California, Vote NO on Proposition 8.

(As a side note, on the No On 8 website, they don't use the best argument for voting no on 8: "[domestic partnerships] don’t provide the same dignity, respect, and commitment as a marriage. In a marriage, a paramedic doesn’t tell you that you cannot get into an ambulance with your spouse." I realize that is a valid point, but they could've done a little better than that, don't you think?)

I'll show you my boobs if you vote No.

<3 Sarah <3
...

3 french kisses:.
1:03 AM
.:Best Thing To Come From The Olympics:.

I'm watching CSI: Miami, and Misty May and her insignificant partner (I just can't remember her name) are special guests. It reminded me of how perfect her ass is. I would kill to be able to have my way with it...and the rest of her, I suppose. Perfection is impossible, but you have to admit, that butt comes damn close.

<3 Sarah <3
...

2 french kisses:.