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Saturday, October 4, 2008 8:43 PM
.:Thoughts On A Saturday Night:.

Erica, Taylor and I went to the bar a little bit ago. This specific bar is quite weird. It's not a gay or lesbian bar, but a lot of lesbian women hang out there. Gay men can be found every now and then, but it's more of a women only crowd. Of course, it's packed to the brim with straight men.

In another post, I was talking about how I thought it was funny that men always try to get with lesbian women. Tonight, I realized that, at least in the case of this specific bar, it's sort of our fault.

The three of us were sitting at the bar, and at the other end was another lesbian couple who I am acquainted with. Next to them are two men who I assume are friends. These women are all over the men. Not like touching and kissing them or anything, but flirting with them like it's going out of style and accepting drink after drink from them. I've seen this type of hustle before. As far as I know, they are doing it for the free drinks. When the men start to realize they aren't getting anything out of their investment, the drinks stop coming. But the women didn't let this fly for long. Eventually they did start touching the men, like rubbing their legs and little innocent touching of the arm. On top of that, the women started touching and kissing each other. I assume they did this to get the men reinterested and make them think they are going to get something out of this.

If I was either of those men, I would be thinking the same thing: I'm going to bed with these girls. But I know these girls. Neither have been with a man in close to 15 years (they are a little older than I am). I can no longer blame the men for trying when we (not me specifically) are sending such mixed signals.

I wanted to say something to these girls, but I didn't. Taylor and Erica actually talked me out of it. To be honest, it pissed me off. I feel like that sort of thing is the reason why I have to deal with the propositions from courageous men on almost a daily basis. I have nothing against men trying, but I would prefer to enjoy my night with Taylor and my friends in peace.


Another thing. I hate the word "dyke." Most of you may know that it used to be an insulting word, but it was "re-claimed" by lesbians a few decades ago. I don't care. I still find it highly offensive, and if a man or woman calls me one, I'm going to let them know just how offensive I find it.

The reason I bring this up is because Taylor and I were called dykes tonight. (This is starting to become quite common. A few nights ago, my neighbor who got arrested called us dykes, too). It wasn't directly to our face, but this other group of men who came and sat down at the bar a little later in the night were talking about us. One of them is a regular who I recognize, and he also knows Taylor and I. He was talking to his friends, not trying to be very discrete about what he was saying, and says...

"You see those two over there? (points to Taylor and I) They're dykes."

I wanted to get up and punch him in the face. I know he didn't mean to be offensive by it, but still, I hate the word. Call me anything but that. To me, it's such an ugly word, and there is a reason it was considered offensive so long ago. Same with the N-word (I refuse to type it or say it). No matter how much African Americans say they are okay with using it, I think they need to step away from it. They've come such a long way in this country, and to hold on to such a dark piece of their past is beyond me. I don't think it "holds them back," but this is a new age and they should embrace it and move on. I won't go any further in to that.

If I lived in the 60's and 70's, I would have done everything I can to take part in the women's movement, the sexual revolution, and the gay/lesbian revolution. Now, I don't like to be associated with it. I am all for better rights for us, but after seeing the display by those two women at the bar, it makes me wonder if I really should get behind it. What they were doing just looked so bad. And the word "dyke." I am not proud of that word, a word that has been embraced by part of the community. I want nothing to do with either of those. I might be acting a little over-dramatic, but it's just how I feel.

<3 Sarah <3
...

4 french kisses:.
5:38 PM
.:So Fun:.

Last night was a blast. We all had so much fun. I have no idea how much wine and vodka we went through, but I know it was a lot. I managed to crawl out of bed - that all four of us somehow were able to sleep in together - a few hours ago, felt really hung over, so I went back to sleep and finally woke up a few minutes ago.

Memories of last night keep coming back to me in flashes. I remember typing my last post, then after that, it's a little foggy. I remember some of truth or dare, and Erica, the most girliest, straightest woman I know, being dared to make out with Taylor for 2 minutes. That had to have been awkward. We were such little girls last night. It was cute though. It felt so much like early high school.

There are some other rather crazy things that happened that I'm thinking I shouldn't post about on here lol. You all might lose a lot of respect for me and think me and my friends are insane and disgusting. I'll leave it at that.

It was like 8 in the morning when we all found ourselves in my bed, falling asleep. I had blankets and pillows for my friends to sleep on the couches but we managed to squeeze in to the bed quite comfortably. It was nice. I miss falling asleep with my best friends.

I have to start having parties like this more often. I used to in the beginning of summer, but somehow they just stopped happening. It might be time to resurrect them.

I am the only one awake right now. I think I will cook some breakfast for the girls and wake their asses up. I'll be sure to post something worth reading later. I only posted this because my goal is at least one post a day and usually I have something in here well before 6 in the afternoon.

Love ya,

<3 Sarah <3
...

4 french kisses:.
Friday, October 3, 2008 10:56 PM
.:Check It:.

We're having so much fun. I just wanted to come update real quick. The girls loved the gifts. I wish I took a picture of the faces they made when I brought the bags out of my room for them. They thought I had gone crazy. Erica said, "Are you nuts? You can't be spending this kind of money!" like she knows how much I make. When I told them about my bonus, it was typical girl reactions all around. Even I was jumping up and down and hugging everyone (of course, I'm the one who got the bonus!)

Now we put all my pillows and blankets on the floor in the living room, stripped down to our PJ's (underwear, except for Erica, because besides the fact she's picking up our pizza, she told us she only wears sweat pants and a bra as PJ's for some reason), and are getting ready to watch some movies. We're just waiting on Erica to get back with the pizzas we ordered. She refused to let anyone pay for delivery? Whatever, it gives me a chance to come say to hi all of you!

We are going to play truth or dare later. I don't know how it came up, but we started thinking back to middle school and early high school when we would play it at parties. I kissed my first boy playing truth or dare. I also gave my first blowjob playing truth or dare (we were bad kids!). It was very strange. It was at the time where I was starting to question my sexuality, so I didn't know if I liked it or not. After that, the confusion grew and I started fucking boys left and right. I never liked it, but I kept doing it because I figured one of those times I would start to like it. Never happened.

I can't wait to play with my new glass toy. It is going to be my favorite, I know it. I can already hear it calling my name. "Saaaaraaah, stick me in yooooooou." lol Sorry. Lots of wine has been drunk (drank? dranken? I don't know the proper word) tonight, and there is plenty more to come. I have a feeling I will have some great stories for you guys tomorrow.

Until then, I love you all!

<3 Sarah <3
...

0 french kisses:.
7:12 PM
.:I'm The Best Friend Ever:.

So I bought the items for the gift bags. They didn't have giant baskets like I wanted, so I had to settle for giant bags. Here is what I filled them up with (remember, I had to buy 4 of everything, except for a few things which were just for me or Taylor and I only)...

All of the girls love lingerie just as much as I do, so I bought them each one of these babydolls. They are mesh and totally see-thru. I love see-thru stuff, so I hope they do too.

I also got them some Dream Angels Heavenly. It was there, I like the smell, and I know Erica loves it too, so I got it. I wanted to get some other type of perfume too, but I wasn't sure what everyone else liked, and I knew they would at least like this.

Then, I went over to Bath and Body Works and bought all different kinds of lotions and oils. I won't even try to post pictures of them or name them off because I bought so many (4 of each, of course). The lady who rang me up thought I was crazy. I just said, "I really like taking baths!"

After I left the mall, I stopped at Lover's Lane. That's where I found the fun stuff.

I found a sweet glass dildo. It is incredible. I love the feel of glass, too, and always wanted one of my own. It feels so much better than plastic or latex. I highly recommend it for all of you.

This next item I couldn't pass up. Fishnet Body Suit! It was so sexy. I kind of wished I would have gone to Lover's Lane before Victoria's Secret, because of this. They had the sexiest lingerie I have ever seen. I can't wait to wear this for Taylor, or have her wear hers for me. There is no way you can say that is not sexy as hell. I also found some strawberry flavored oral creams. mmmm Tasty.

I also bought some little things for me and Taylor. Lover's Lane had this feathers, obviously for tickling your partner, so I got a couple of those, some furry handcuffs. They also had their Halloween costume section up, so I bought a police outfit lol. It's pretty sexy. Then I got some more lube since we go through that like oxygen.

So that's it. Now I just have to wait to give it to them. Surprisingly, everything came out to just around $1,000.

I am the best friend ever. I may also be the most obsessed with sex friend ever too lol. That's okay. What would a girls night be without a bunch of sex related stuff?

Then, of course I had to get myself something. I'd be crazy if I didn't.

So cute. It was the last one at VS. They had it on clearance. It's so adorable in person. I am going to look so hot next time I go out to the club. I can't wait!

<3 Sarah <3
...

5 french kisses:.
3:55 PM
.:Oh My God!:.

The first paragraph of this is pretty explicit and personal. It's a follow up to my last post. Read at your own risk, or skip it for something non-sexual.




So I tried anal. And I LOVED it. It was incredible. I was so nervous at first. The idea of how bad it could hurt was haunting me the whole time. It wasn't bad though. A little bit of pressure and discomfort at first, but I quickly got used to it. I recommend this to all women. Taylor used a vibrator and ate me out as she did it, so boyfriends or husbands could do this for you, too. I'd imagine it's much gentler than being fucked by the guy, and the double stimulation makes for mind blowing orgasms that come one after the other. I have never had such intense orgasms. I could barely breath, it was so incredible. It just might be my new favorite thing to do in bed.




Okay, enough of that. I have something soooooo exciting to talk about now!

Work was insane today. We had the presentation with our client. We designed billboards for a chain of privately owned, local car dealerships. They loved what we did, and the signed the deal. A multi-million dollar deal. What does this mean for me? A $10,000 bonus!!!!

That's right. As you may know from reading my profile, I am the assistant/secretary to the president of the design department. The deal that went through was worth more than we expected. Because of that, my boss received a "very generous bonus," he wouldn't tell me how much, and saying that tells me its huge. From the beginning, he let me play a roll in leading this project. As time went on, I gradually became more and more involved. I met with the artists and designers every day, reviewed the work, and helped put the presentation together. My boss was so happy with the work I did, he gave me part of his bonus! It's going to be spread out over the next 5 weeks, with about $2,000 added to each paycheck.

I am so ecstatic right now. I never expected anything from this. To me, I was just doing my job. I like what I do, so it was fun for me to be more involved than usual. I felt like I was being given an opportunity I wouldn't normally have, and that I was lucky enough to have that. Oh God, I am so happy I could cry right now.

Tonight is the girls night I planned with Taylor, Erica, and Escort Girl. I decided I am going to go out and buy them gifts and other things to make this night as fun as possible. They are going to be so surprised. I haven't told anyone about this bonus yet, so I plan to tell them all at the same time and give them whatever I buy for them. I was thinking I'd make some gift baskets, and put in them some sexy lingerie (they all love lingerie), some perfume or bath oils and lotions, and a bunch of other cute, girly, expensive stuff. I decided I won't mind spending no more than a grand on making these baskets. I want the girls to be blown away. The rest I'll use for bills, save what's left of that, and maybe use some as spending money.

This is so great. I have been tight with money lately. Well, not tight. I live comfortably, I just have to watch what I buy and not go out very often. For the next few weeks, I'll be able to enjoy myself a little more. I can save some of it, pay off some things, whatever. lol Now I'm crying.

I've been so lucky lately. What scares me is that, in my life, periods of luck are often followed by periods of bad times. I am somewhat superstitious, so I need to be very careful for the next few weeks.

I've said this a lot lately, but this really is the best day of my life.

<3 Sarah <3
...

4 french kisses:.
Thursday, October 2, 2008 10:20 PM
.:Warning: May Be A Little Explicit:.

Like the title says, this post may get a little explicit and personal. You don't have to read it if you don't want to hear about my sex life.



Believe it or not, I have never done anal before. Obviously I don't mean with a penis, but with toys and other body parts, like fingers. I am an anal virgin. Taylor and I were discussing it, and surprisingly, she loves it. The weird part is, she has never mentioned it before. I had no idea she was in to it. She says she was nervous to bring it up, fearing I would be turned off and it would ruin the moment.

Now I'm curious about it. For some reason I find it a little scary though. I've always heard the first couple times hurt really bad. And of course, there is the taboo of sticking things up your ass and sticking things up someone else's ass. The idea doesn't bother me, I'm just scared of the pain, and scared of causing pain for Taylor.

She really wants me try it. She said I would love it, but I'm not too sure. I am perfectly happy with vaginal sex. Taylor and I both know every inch of mine and where the "sweet spots" are, and I think I've figured out where she hides hers, so I don't see any reason to not stick with that. But the curiosity is still there.

My questions for anyone who wants to share are:

What are your thoughts on anal sex?

If you've ever had it, what's it like? Did you like it or no? Would you recommend it?

I know this is a touchy subject, so if you don't want to share, you don't have to. I'm just really interested to know about it now, and quite possibly try it. I'm sorry if none of you wanted to hear about this, too. I try to keep details of my sex life out of my blog, but I guess every now and then it's okay to share some of them.

<3 Sarah <3
...

4 french kisses:.
8:53 PM
.:Mission: Unpossible:.

I decided I need to lose a little weight. That picture I posted in my last entry makes me so jealous. I want a body like that, even if it means losing my precious DD boobs. I admit, I am giving in to the media-created image of what a woman's body should be like. The sad truth is that that image is what people look for. Obviously I'm not trying to attract men, but look at the advantages those women get. I could probably be the president of the company I work for if I had that body instead of this:

This isn't like me to be so down about my body. Look at my legs, and my that pudge on my armpit. I need to get rid of that. It's so hard to lose weight in your arms, though. Working it out adds muscle and just makes it look worse. So I'm going on a diet starting tomorrow. I'm going to try the Jared diet and only eat Subway for a couple months, with some yogurt in between since I love yogurt more than anything. It's like sex. mmmmm. Or maybe I'll just learn to love my body again. Either option would be fine with me.

<3 Sarah <3
...

4 french kisses:.
7:24 PM
.:Do I Deserve This?:.

I can't lie. I am not the type of person who could do that to someone else. That's why I had to tell Taylor about my kiss with Kayla.

She came over after work, in such a good mood. She had a great day, made lots of money, all that stuff. I sat her down on the couch, prepared to break her heart. I held her hand, started crying, and said "I made out with Kayla. I don't know why, it just happend. I don't want to be with her and I love you. I made a mistake and I am so sorry." At first she looked shocked. She kinda just stared at me, her eyes deeply focused on mine. Then she asked me who Kayla was. I was so confused. I started wondering if I forgot to tell her about the dinner I had with her. I said "She's that girl from work."

Taylor let out a long, "oooooooooooh," and smiled. She said "That's okay, hun."

What? That's okay? It was unreal. She just accepted it and was fine with it. She explained to me that she trusts me, and the fact that I told her as soon as I saw her proved to her that she can trust me. Also, she believes me because I didn't try to hide it. She knows I don't have feelings for Kayla, because if I did, I would have hid it for a while, but since I had nothing to hide, I told her right away. I didn't even think of it like that. It makes sense.

What I'm wondering now is, do I deserve a girl like Taylor? What did I do to earn this? I can't believe someone so caring, compassionate, passionate, loving, kind, forgiving, intelligent, funny, etc. etc., could fall for me. It's like I'm living in a dream world.

I apologize to you, my readers. I know I talk about her all the time. I am just so in love and so happy that it's all I ever think about. You guys have to know how I'm feeling. You had to have fallen face first into a big puddle of love before, so hopefully you guys forgive me for babbling on and on about her all the time. I try to keep my topics varied, but inevitably, it always comes back to her. I just can't help it.

I do have other things to report though. I found out what the married couple was (supposedly) fighting about.

The next-door neighbor to my right is apparently friends with the married couple who lives to my left. She's an older lady, in her 60's. When I was younger, I lived in a few different cities. Each time, there was always one person on the block who knew everyone else and kept up on the blocks "current events." This lady (Pam is her name) is the one for our block.

She says the wife found text messages from another woman on her husbands cell phone. They said things like, "I had a great night last night," and "Can't wait to do it again xoxo." The husband had told the wife that he had to work that night, which now she knows was obviously a lie. She confronted him and he tried to turn it around and accuse her of cheating. The argued for a while, then the wife tried to leave, but the husband stopped her outside. When they were outside (this is where Taylor and I come in), the husband started yelling at the wife about various things, then the wife actually admitted to having cheated on her husband. Whether or not she actually did is unknown to Pam, but that is when the husband slapped the wife.

Nice.

This is why I'm glad it's illegal for me to get married. Thats a lie, because I do want to get married (somehow) some day. Marriage just scares me sometimes. All my married friends were so in love before they got married. Now most of them hate their husband or wife. From an outsiders perspective, it looks like marriage actually ruins relationships. I think the only reason people even get married still is A) tradition B) tax/money benefits and C) beautiful ceremony, excuse to go all out, and lots of presents.

For me, knowing that I love my partner and my partner loves me just as much is all I need to be happy.

<3 Sarah <3
...

3 french kisses:.
4:10 PM
.:Working Girl:.

I should have taken two days off of work. I wish I never would have gone in today. I am so stupid. So so so stupid.

Everything was business as usual. We're in the middle of wrapping up some work for a pretty big client, so everyone was all over the place, frantically getting everything ready for our presentation tomorrow. Lunch time rolls around, and just like any other office, we do mass orders, where we all order from one place, then someone runs out and gets it all. I volunteered myself to be the one to pick it up today since I had all my work ready to go. Kayla was free too, so she went with me.

We decided we would just get a few pizzas since no one really had time to eat or order anything else. Kayla and I get to the pizza place a few minutes early, so we wait in my car for the pizzas to be ready. We start talking about the other night when we went out to dinner together. I tell her I had a great time, we should do it again, blah blah blah. She says it was lovely, we'll get together soon, blah blah blah.

That's where I made the biggest mistake of my life. I kissed her.

I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. Why would I do that? It wasn't just a quick kiss, either. We made out. Something happened and I just got lost in the moment and just had to go for it. It was great, but I should have never done that. I feel so bad for Taylor. I told Kayla that I was sorry and I don't know what came over me. She was really cool about it, saying it's okay and not to worry about it and that she won't think anything of it. I hope she was serious. I can't lead this girl on like that. I probably shouldn't even see her again. If I did see her again, she may think that I am in to her when I'm not. But I am, just not anywhere near as much as Taylor.

I'm so confused right now. I'm not even really confused, I just...yes, I am confused. I love Taylor. I am not leaving her. I would never leave her. But I can't tell her about this either. And Kayla, she's a great girl, but I can't see me and her together.

I don't know what to do. Should I tell Taylor? I know I can't see Kayla again, and I'm not going to. I'm just scared that if I tell Taylor, she'll leave me.

Oh God, I hate myself so much right now. What do I do?


<3 Sarah <3
...

0 french kisses:.
1:39 AM
.:Sleep Comes Slowly...:.

I'm lying in bed, typing veeeery slowly and soft. Taylor is sleeping next to me and I don't want to wake her up. For some reason I can't sleep. I should probably stop drinking coffee really late at night.

Have any of you noticed that when you stay up later than you normally do, that you start thinking a lot? I'm sure you've all noticed that, but the weird thing for me is that I start thinking like "what if...," then run over different events and wonder what it would have been like if I had done something differently or something else happened that changed the outcome.

Like, for example, what if I didn't call the police on that guy who hit his wife? Would he have beat her harder? Killed her, even?

Or, what if I did drive the 25 miles to the tattoo shop? What if I got in a car accident on the way there? Or what if I would have ran in to my mom and we started talking again?

It's so crazy to think how different your life could be if you had made a single, tiny, seemingly insignificant choice differently. Like choosing to wear flip-flops instead of heels. The heels could have broke, breaking your ankle, but in the hospital you meet the man/woman of your dreams. It actually freaks me out to think how different my life could be right now. It also makes me wonder if there are like an infinite number of parallel universes, where in each universe you did make a different choice, and each universe represents a different life you could have been living. I can't even comprehend something like that, but physicists and other scientists think it actually might be a real concept that does exist somewhere.

Have you ever thought about what's outside the universe? Yes, outside. I know, the universe is infinite, but at the same time, science says it's a giant bubble, and quite possibly floating in a sea of other bubble universes (possibly the universes with our alternate lives!!!) This is all theory, of course, but they say there is a good chance it's true. But think about this (it may be hard to comprehend): they say that there is NOTHING outside of the universe. But, saying NOTHING implies that there is still SOMETHING there. There is actually less than nothing.

To say it differently, there is an outside of our universe, but there isn't at the same time. Say you made it to the edge of our bubble universe and you could rip open the wall, you wouldn't be able to walk through the hole. There wouldn't be anything there to stop you, yet you still couldn't step out because there is nothing to step in to. There is no empty space, but there is nothing else either. Crazy, huh?

What's even more confusing is that there is no wall you could rip open because the universe is infinite, yet it's still a bubble in a sea of other bubbles!!! It's so crazy, that our human brains are actually incapable of comprehending all this. It's a proven fact that we just can't fully understand concepts like this. It blows my mind!

Have you ever thought about where we go after we die? It's scary to think that the only way we can find out is to die. I try not to get my hopes up, but that would be so cool if we did live multiple lives. I hope I come back as someone rich, powerful, and gorgeous. I have to be a woman still. No men for me. The fucked up part is, we won't know that we have come back. We could have had a billion lives before the one we live right now, but there is no way to know, so really, there is no comfort in believing in reincarnation. Death is still scary because there is still a chance we will be so disappointed if nothing happens at all.

I've thought about heaven and hell, too. My idea of what heaven and hell are? Heaven would be a place you go where you get to do your favorite things at your favorite places with your favorite people for all eternity. Hell would be the exact opposite. For me, heaven would be dancing at a dark club with Taylor. Hell would be having to do threesomes with my bi-sexual ex-girlfriend Tina and her disgusting boyfriends, except her boyfriend would be fucking me (gross! lol) for all eternity in my other ex-girlfriend, Allison's apartment as she parades a whole line of other women she was cheating on me with past me, and my mom and dad would be there telling me how much they hate me. THAT would be hell.

I'm starting to scare myself thinking about all this. I'm taking some Xanax and going to sleep. Goodnight, my loves.

<3 Sarah <3
...

2 french kisses:.
12:29 AM
.:Lindsay Lohan and Me:.

Oh my God! I need to start keeping up with what goes on Hollywood again. I'm falling behind!

At a blog I follow, I Hate So Much, Maxie mentions something about Lindsay Lohan being a lesbian in a post where she is asking a few random questions:
"How much longer will Lindsay Lohan be a lesbian? I hope for a really long time because I’d totally date her. You should all know by now that my big lesbian crushes are Ellen and Rachel Maddow, but Ellen is married and Rachel is getting too famous so I’ve given up on them. Lindsay–Call me!"
No way! I had to see for myself. So I break out the Google machine and search "Lindsay Lohan lesbian" and sure enough, it's true!

Best day of my life, until I realized that she used to be an alcoholic (I shouldn't be talking) and a slut (again, I shouldn't be talking), so her pussy is probably as dirty as the hookers who walk the streets in south Chicago. It's fun to think about though. Mmm, Lindsay Lohan. lol

(least flattering picture of Lindsay I've ever seen)

Come on, Lindsay. What does she have that I don't have? I know, money. But that's nothing compared to what I can do with my tongue : ) Wanna see?

<3 Sarah <3
...

0 french kisses:.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008 11:02 PM
.:Oh Snap!:.

So, there we were, Taylor and I, watching TV and doing other things couples do, when all of a sudden we hear yelling and screaming coming from outside. It took a minute to register what was going on, but then we realized that a man and woman were outside my house arguing. Now, the neighborhood I live in is a peaceful neighborhood, but it's right on the border of a not-so-nice neighborhood, so occasionally people will cross over and start some trouble. Matter of fact, just a few weeks ago, someone was shot just around the block from me by a couple kids from the bordering neighborhood, so needless to say, when you hear arguing or fighting going on outside, you stay inside and call the police.

Well, I didn't want to call the police right away just in case it was an innocent argument that happens to be getting a little loud. Taylor and I snuck up to my front window and peeked out from behind the curtains. It was my next-door neighbors. Just as we looked out, the man slaps his wife. He hit her so hard, she literally spun around and hit the ground. Taylor immediately runs outside to try and stop them, but I grab her arm and keep her from going out there. Who knows if this asshole would hit her too. I grab my cell phone and called the police.

Not 2 minutes later, 2 patrol cars come flying around the corner and screech to a stop right in front of the house where the husband and wife are still fighting. I decide it's safe enough to go outside. We step out on the porch as two of the four officers flip this guy through the air and jump on top of him to handcuff him. Another one of the officers comes over to my house after seeing us on the porch to see if we were the ones who called. We talked to him and told him everything we saw, he thanked us and left.

As they were dragging this guy to the back of the patrol car, he yells out...

"None of this would be happening if it wasn't for you fucking dykes."

I could not help but laugh. First of all, it sounded like the end of an episode of Scooby Doo where they take the mask off the supposed ghost or monster, and the guy masquerading as the ghost says...

"...and I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling kids!"

I was in tears. Yeah, buddy, it was our fault you hit your wife, and you would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for us.

Second, he has no idea that we are actually dating. As far as he knows, Taylor is just a good friend who comes over a lot. I think it's hilarious when people assume things like that, especially when his only evidence as him seeing a girl come over all the time and her car staying parked in front of my house till the next morning. Girls have sleepovers, even when they are 24 and 26. But, he is right, he just doesn't know it. And it's funny that they usually only do it when they are the ones who look like a dumbass at that moment in time. I think they say shit like that just to try and make themselves look not as bad. To save face, in other words.

What an interesting series of events. And to think, I would have missed it if we had gone to the club. I wonder what would have happened to that poor woman if we weren't there to call the police? I'm sure someone else would have. I hope. But I love scandals like this. I can't wait to discuss with my other neighbors what the married couple was fighting about. I love speculating, but I hope someone knows for sure what it was, and I hope it's juicy so I can share it with you guys.

<3 Sarah <3
...

0 french kisses:.
8:26 PM
.:Boo Hoo:.

No club tonight. We both have to work early in the morning so it wouldn't be wise to stay out really late and get really drunk and do God-knows-what else.

I hate making plans and then not going through with them. I get myself psyched up for it, start looking forward to it, then when it doesn't happen, it brings you down.

Oh well. I still had a great day, and Taylor and I still have all night. I'll think of something clever to write about shortly.

P.S. I took my picture down. I realized that the only people who read my blog are women who probably don't want to see me in my underwear. Sorry for putting you through it. If, for some reason, you still want to see it, I can put it back up. It's nothing sexual, just me (minus my face) in my underwear.

<3 Sarah <3
...

5 french kisses:.
5:48 PM
.:Love In The Time Of Cameras:.

First, I'm sort of disappointed. I chickened out about getting my labret pierced. Actually, I didn't really, I just can't do it today. I can't get my tattoo today either. Josh is booked for the next two days, but said he'll try to get me in on Saturday to do both if I still want them. The reason I say I chickened out of getting the labret piercing is because he said he would do it real quick if I would drive down to his tattoo shop (which is about 25 miles away) but I decided against it and chose to do it another time.

Second, I hate stereotypes. I understand that for the average person, preconceived notions of other people are sometimes all we have to by. For instance, if you've never met a gay person in your entire life, the only things you will know about them are what other people tell you. This isn't a bad way to learn about any subject, but it's not the best either. Everyone is different, and just because you heard about something being a certain way, doesn't mean it always is.

Why do I say all this? Josh (the tattoo artist) was in our part of town when we met him. He was at a coffee shop near by with a couple of his friends and that is where Taylor and I were supposed to meet him to discuss the work I want done. So we're sitting and talking and drinking coffee, when Josh asks how Taylor and I are doing together. This catches his friends completely off guard. Now, I don't mind people knowing about my lifestyle, and neither does Taylor, so I wasn't angry that Josh brought it up. He knows we don't care. The part that did bother me was what his friends started asking us...

"So which one of you is the manly one, or butch, or whatever you call it?"

I didn't even want to have to answer that question. I've had to soooooo many times. Not all lesbian couples are made up of one feminine female and another masculine, or "butch" (I find that word so derogatory, but I won't get in to that). It is completely possible for two very feminine females to be together, just like Taylor and I. The way I see it, if I wanted to be with someone manly, I'd be with a man.

Another way to put it (and a more respectful way to say it) is that one female would be "submissive" and the other female the "dominant" one in the relationship. No matter how you slice it, this doesn't always apply to every lesbian couple (or gays, for that matter). For instance, with Taylor and I, if either of us is ever submissive or dominant, it always varies. I guess with us, it's whoever initiates the sex. If Taylor throws me in bed and has her way with me, she'd be "dominant." If it was the other way around, I would be. But neither of us are either, I'd say. It's all mutual. We're both very passionate and express it equally and in the same ways, not only when we have sex, but in every aspect of our relationship.

But like I said, I can understand why he would think this. The only thing is, I know for a fact that Josh has plenty of other lesbian friends, and there is a good chance this guy has met all or most of them. I have also met most of them, and I know there a few couples who are just like Taylor and I, so this could not have been the first time this guy has seen this. I let it go, though. I explained it to him calmly and moved on.

Of course, we also received the obligatory "What do I got to do to get you two in bed with me?" I'm starting to think a day can't go by without it.

But hey, I can't help it I'm so sexy lol.

After the coffee shop fiasco, we went to the bar to meet up with a couple of our female friends. One of them is the girl who my other blog was based on - we'll call her Escort Girl, for obvious reasons. I don't get to see her very much. She has to be the most cynical person I have ever met, but she is so humorous about it. I don't blame her. If I was selling my vagina every day for a few years I'd become pretty cynical too. She hates men more than anything, yet she can't get enough of them. She doesn't escort anymore, but at the rate she sleeps with men, you wouldn't be able to guess it.

Another very close friend of mine was there who I also haven't seen in a long time. Erica. Her and I have been friends since high school. She was there for me when I came out to my parents. If she wasn't I probably wouldn't have made it. I told her we have to start seeing each other more often, so we made plans for a movie night at my house on Friday with Taylor and Escort Girl. Should be interesting. Wine, chick flicks, pillow fights, pajamas (whatever they may be), and more wine.

After the bar, we came back home for dinner. We ate take-out Chinese and we're taking showers and getting ready to hit the club tonight. I ordered Kung Pao Chicken. After that post I made the other day titled "King Pao Coochie," - which is a line from The Sopranos, if you didn't know - I've had the biggest craving for spicy chicken. It was delicious.

<3 Sarah <3
...

2 french kisses:.
2:25 PM
.:Morning Girl:.

Sleeping in on a day that you're supposed to be working is such a great feeling. It also seems like whenever I take a day off work, the weather is always beautiful. I'll wake up to sun in my eyes from it shining in through my blinds. It's a nice thing to wake up to. What's nicer is waking up with Taylor's arms still around me. It's strange, because usually when you fall asleep holding someone, by the time you wake up, you'll be sprawled all over the bed and no long holding each other. So how we managed to maintain that through the night is quite odd, but I like it.

So we woke up and I cooked my famous omelettes. Okay, so they aren't famous, but they're really good...I think. We tried to eat out on the deck in the backyard, but it was a little chilly and I didn't feel like putting heavier clothes on over my pajamas - or bra and panties, in other words. That's the nice part about summer. My backyard has a privacy fence all around it, so I can tan naked and eat breakfast in my underwear if I wanted to.

But speaking of pajamas, I don't think pajamas are an actual item of clothing anymore. Remember when we were kids and they had those full body pajamas? Do they even make stuff like that anymore? I think the pajamas of today are really just whatever you decide to wear to bed. If you wear gym shorts and a white t-shirt, those are pajamas. If you wear a bra and underwear, those are your pajamas. If you wear some sexy lingerie, pajamas again. I think pajamas is more of a term, meaning "what you wear to bed," than it is an actual clothing item.

Anyways, I'm so excited about today. I called a friend of mine who does tattoos to see if he would ink me up today. I get to go meet him at 3:00. If everything goes as planned, I'm going to have him do my labret, too. I was inspired by another blog I read. My girl with gorgeous lips that I am so jealous of at Pink Avocado celebrated her 1 year anniversary with her labret. It made me want to finally get mine.

Ok. Time to go. I'll post about my adventures later. Taylor and I have an exciting day planned and I can guarantee lots of spicy, controversial, funny, sad, and crazy stories that will be totally blog-worthy. yay!

<3 Sarah <3
...

1 french kisses:.
12:05 AM
.:All You Need Is Love:.

I knew I could count on Taylor tonight. She came straight over after she got off work. It's so strange that she did that, too. Normally she goes home after work to take a shower and change clothes. I haven't talked to her all day either, so she didn't know what was wrong with me. It was like she somehow knew. She even said, "for some reason I just felt like I should come straight to your house." I guess thats how in-tune we are with each other.

I was (and still am, sort of) a drunken, sloppy mess when she got here, lying in my underwear on the couch, crying and watching an episode of Sex in the City I had recorded the other day, holding an empty 5th of Grey Goose tightly in my arms against my chest. At first she just laughed, not knowing what to make of it, then she saw that I was crying and started asking me what was wrong. I told her about everything, even my "date" with Kayla. As I expected, she didn't care at all since it wasn't even a date, just two friends going out. Kayla's a great girl, but I love Taylor.

Yes, I love her. I told her for the first time tonight. She started crying when I said it, and told me she loves me too. I'm such a typical girl when it comes to saying and receiving "I love you's." I don't just hand them out. I only ever say it when I absolutely mean it. And I do mean it. The thing about this "I love you" is I will always remember that moment. I'll remember Taylor kneeling on the floor in front of me while I lie on the couch, her holding my hand in hers with her other hand stroking my hair, her head tilted to the side with a frown on her face and her big blue eyes wide with sympathy for me. I'll remember how her eyes grew even wider when I said it, then tears starting to roll out of them. And I'll remember her whispering, "I love you, too, Sarah. So much." It was the best moment of my life.

I can't even describe how happy she makes me. She didn't even have to say anything about the situation with my mom to make me feel better about it. Just having her hold me said it all. I don't need my mom or dad anymore. I'm a grown, independent woman. If I have Taylor in my life, and she loves me as much as I do her, that's all I'll ever need. We decided that since Taylor has the day off tomorrow, I will use one of my sick days and we will spend the entire day together. It's going to be the best day ever.

Also, I am going to get my labret pierced! I might get another tattoo too. I've wanted another tattoo and piercing for so long. I already have practically every possible place on my body pierced (eyebrow, ears x 6, nose, nipples, belly button, and vagina x 2), but I still need a few more, me thinks. As for a tattoo, I have no idea what I'll get done. Probably something big on my thigh or ankle/calf, like a koi fish, dragon, or phoenix. Something in traditional Japanese would be awesome.

I'll tell you all about everything that happens, and if I get the work done, I'll post pictures.

Goodnight, my loves.

<3 Sarah <3
...

2 french kisses:.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008 10:17 PM
.:Why Did I Do That?:.

After contemplating the thought for a few hours, I bit the bullet and called my mom. Big mistake. I had convinced myself she would talk to me based on the fact that it has been 8 years since we last spoke to each other. I figured "she's my mom, she'll want to talk to me." Oh God, was I wrong. This is how the conversation went...

Sarah: Mom?

Mom: Sarah?

Sarah: How are you?

Mom: Don't ever call me again *hangs up*

I don't know what to do. I am hysterical. I can barely type right now because I can't see through the flood of tears in my eyes. How can someones mother hate their own daughter so much? It doesn't make sense. Why can't she at least talk to me for a minute and pretend she loves me? Now I'm lying on my couch with a 5th of vodka on the floor next to me. The only thing I want in this world right now is either for my mom to love me again or for me to be really drunk. It doesn't look like I can have the first, so I'm stuck with being drunk.

I don't even want to be alive right now. I need someone to hold me.

<3 Sarah <3
...

4 french kisses:.
8:51 PM
.:Clothes Are Always The Cure:.

Whenever I am sad, I buy clothes. Usually I end up spending a couple hundred dollars when it happens. I am not big into fashion like a lot of my friends, either, which actually benefits me in the end. I'll buy clothes from anywhere, as long as they look cute and are comfortable to wear.

Just now I ordered a dress online from Forever 21, one of my favorite places to shop when I am in one of my depressed moods. I managed to keep myself from spending a lot. I stuck to one item, and am so proud of myself. $23.00 is all I spent. And the dress is so cute.

Even though summer is almost over, I don't think it hurts to have too many casual dresses. I can wear them to work, or when I go out with my friends for a girls day/night out. Dresses are my favorite!

I saw so much more that I want to order. I know if I do order it all I will totally regret it. I can't be spending a lot of money right now, especially since I just spent $100 dollars on drinks and dinner alone when I didn't even plan to.

Tell me what you all think!

<3 Sarah <3
...

0 french kisses:.
8:00 PM
.:Dinner Adventures:.

So I'm home now from my dinner and drinks date with Kayla. Actually, I wouldn't call it a "date" in the true sense of the word. It went exactly how I wanted it to go: two friends enjoying fine dining and expensive drinks together.

Kayla is such an amazing girl though. I learned a lot about her tonight. I knew a little bit of random trivia from working with her, but now, I feel like I've known her for years. She's very sweet, shy, and friendly. I look forward to hanging out with her again.

We ate at La Riviera. The food was fantastic. I, as always, only got ravioli and salad. It's all I ever order when I eat Italian. I'm comfortable with it, and I know I like it. I'm scared to try new things because if I don't like it, I would have wasted a dinner. I am a pussy about sending food back. I used to serve food sometimes at the strip club I worked at, and I would be so angry when guys would send their burgers or steaks back, so I hate to do that to other servers, and I feel like I might offend the cooks. I don't like to offend anyone.

After we ate, we went to this really fancy cocktail bar Kayla goes to often. I had only ever been there one time, but I was already drunk when I got there so I didn't notice much about it. It was beautiful. Very dim, with multi-colored fluorescent lights behind the shelves at the bar. The walls and floor were black tile. The tables, chairs and stools a dark wood brown. The bartenders and servers were all female and absolutely gorgeous. I felt like a loser, only ordering Grey Goose and tonics or Grey Goose and cranberry. So what? It's my favorite drink.

We talked about everything. I made a mistake with Kayla's age in my last post. I had always thought she was 21 for some reason, but she's actually 23. We discussed the hardships we've been through when coming out to our parents. For her it was extra hard because her dad is a Buddhist and actually very accepting of her life choices, but her mom was a strict Christian and wanted nothing to do with her, even though she is only bi-sexual. The worst part was, she didn't actually "come out," she got caught by her mom in bed with another girl.

Her parents fought and fought over it, and eventually filed for divorce when Kayla was 19. Her mom moved God-knows-where and hasn't been in contact since, but her dad is a huge part of her life. I was so happy for her, and so jealous at the same time. The way she made it seem, her and her dad are like best friends. It makes me miss my dad so much.

I remember when me and him used to be best friends. I think about those times almost every day. Going to baseball games, the park, to the mall, to amusement parks. Whatever I wanted to do, my dad would take me to do it, and unlike most of my friend's fathers, he actually enjoyed it. Most of the time, he would be the one to suggest the things we do. Saturday mornings, I'd wake up to him standing over my bed and he'd say, "We should go to Six Flags today. Whuddya think?"

We drank and talked and I left about 30 minutes ago. The whole drive home I thought about my parents. I can't believe how much I miss them. I started crying (and still am lol) because of how much I wish I could see them again. It's been 8 years since I've even talked to them. I still stay in contact with my step-brother (my dad's child from his first marriage) and he keeps me updated on how my parents are doing and them updated on how I am doing. It's so ridiculous that we can't speak to each other directly. It sounds so childish, but I just wish they would love me again.

I want to call them so bad. I don't know if I should though. One of two things will happen. Either I will get to see them again and try to work things out, or I will just be even more disappointed and upset when they refuse to speak to me.

I just want them to love me.

<3 Sarah <3
...

2 french kisses:.
4:09 PM
.:Kung Pao Coochie:.

Today was a very strange day at work. Everything was business as usual until about 2:30 when I was getting ready to go home. I was working in the storage room, looking for some old designs we did for a local club. The lady in charge of the storage "department" (it's really just a room with filing cabinets) is this really nice, pretty, Japanese lady. She's actually only half Japanese, but she has a lot of the typical Asian features. Petite body, eyes, lips. She's really very pretty.

Anyways, I'm minding my own business, looking through the filing cabinets, when she comes and stands next to me. I'm down on my knees looking through to bottom drawer, so all I see is her little legs next to me. I look up at her, and she's nervously touching her face and playing with her hair.

I stand up and ask her what's wrong, and she just shakes her head and says nothing. We get in to some meaningless small talk, when out of nowhere, she blurts out...

"Would you like to go out with me sometime?"

I was completely caught off guard. I had to maintain my composure, because as far as I knew, no one at work knows I am lesbian. But if that were true, why was she asking me out? I was so confused. I didn't know what to say. I just stood there and stared at her with this shocked expression on my face and didn't say a word.

I could tell she was so embarrassed. She covered her eyes with her hands and turned to walk out of the room. I felt really bad so I grabbed her arm and stopped her.

It turns out, a lot more people at work know about me than I had thought or hoped. I asked this lady (Kayla) how they all knew, but she didn't know. She said she figured out from over hearing my phone conversations with Taylor. She found out a few months ago. She said she heard me telling Taylor how great of a night I had with her and how I can't wait to see her again and how special she made me feel and blah blah blah. I realized at that moment that I had been a little too open with my cell phone calls while at work.

So it turns out, she's bi-sexual, but is more in to girls. I've met a lot of girls and guys that are just like her. They like having sex with their same sex, but they still enjoy going out on dates with the opposite sex. As far as I know, based on all the bi-sexual friends I have, it's quite common. I asked her why she hadn't asked me out sooner. She said she was nervous because she wasn't 100% sure she was right about me. The only reason she finally asked is because of how attracted to me she is and that it was driving her crazy that she hadn't asked me out yet, so she bit the bullet and went for it. I was really flattered. She is a beautiful girl, and I would love to go out with her sometime.

But I can't. I can't do that to Taylor.

Kayla seemed quite upset when I reminded her that I had a girlfriend. I felt so bad for her. So I made a compromise. Taylor works all night tonight, so I told Kayla her and I could go out for dinner or some drinks, but nothing more, and that we are only going out as friends. She was happy with that and accepted the offer. I gave her a hug and she went back to work.

Am I making a mistake doing this? I felt so bad for the girl. She's only 21 and a real sweetheart. If I had to guess, I'd say she's been hurt a lot. This lifestyle we live can be very heart breaking sometimes. Well, I guess any sexual lifestyle can be heart breaking at times, it's just the confusion and isolation that comes with being gay can add to the heartache. I didn't want to be on the list of people that hurt this girl.

I'm going to tell Taylor about it, of course. It's not like I'll be doing this behind her back. I go out with lesbian friends of mine all the time and Taylor doesn't have a problem with it. She knows that I am very much in control of my sexuality. I have never cheated and will never cheat on any girlfriend, past, present, or future.

But for some reason, I still feel guilty and like I'm doing something wrong. I don't know why. Am I doing something wrong?

I'm leaving for dinner and drinks with Kayla at 5:30. I am so confident that this will be the most innocent night out, and I'm going to be on guard to make sure she doesn't try anything funny. But I still can't shake the thought that I might be making a mistake.

I'll let you all know how it goes.

<3 Sarah <3
...

1 french kisses:.
Monday, September 29, 2008 11:29 PM
.:Fucking Gospel:.

I was looking through some of the blogs I follow a little bit ago, and I came across this one, The Jesus of Uncool (love the title, by the way). Inside, I found a post Nicole wrote that brightened my day. What she talks about is something I have thought about almost every day for the last 10 years, and it is something I will never understand. That is...

The straight persons fear of gay men and women.

What is it that some straight people find so scary about us? Nicole says, "I just don't understand why everyone finds it so offensive. None of them try to convert the rest of society into being gay." She's spot on, too. We mind our own business like straight people do, and like I said in a comment I left her, it's not like we are out recruiting teenagers like the military does and sending pamphlets on "how to be gay" and why "gay is the way" to high schools.

What is so wrong with us wanting to be happy? Is it that our idea of being happy is different from the "main stream" or what the Bible says? Since when did the whole world decide we were going to follow the rules the Bible laid out? I have nothing against religion, but we aren't all Christians. Better yet, we aren't all religious to any degree. I'm not, so why do I have to do what the Bible says?

I just don't understand. If we are minding our own business, what is it to you? How would I be affecting you if my and my girlfriend were to get married? We wouldn't. 99.999999% of the world wouldn't even know we were married, so why is it so wrong? On top of that, I was rejected from possibly adopting a child because I was a lesbian. I wasn't sure if I wanted the kid, I just wanted to talk with the agency and learn more about it, but they pretty much told me they would make sure I didn't get a child. In fact, I'm still in the process of talking to a lawyer about that.

Just let us be. The day gays and lesbians start filing through the streets with guns and tanks, breaking into your house and forcefully putting you and your children into the Homosexual Army, I will be okay with you trying to suppress us. Until then, let us be happy.

<3 Sarah <3
...

4 french kisses:.
9:21 PM
.:Raindrops Keeps Fallin' On My Head:.

I'm sitting on my porch right now, laptop on my lap, the rain falling on the awning. It's so soothing. The occasional lighting will flash in the sky, followed by the rumbling of thunder. It's beautiful. So peaceful.

It's funny how things so simple as a calm storm can bring such peace to someone. Everything in life that has bothered you up to that moment disappear for a while and you are left with utter contentment and satisfaction with everything all at once. No matter what it is that stresses you out, the things in life we love the most can always make them better, at least for a little while.

When I was kid, I used to sit on the porch with my mom and watch thunder storms. I would sit on her lap, and when the lighting would strike, we'd pretend to get really scared and cuddle up to each other real tight. I miss the way my mom would hold me. I miss having her arms around me, making me feel so safe. I thought she would always be there to protect me from all the bad things in life. I still remember that day, November 4th 2000, when she told me she wants nothing to do with me. Her and my dad let me live in the house for a couple months until I was able to find somewhere else to go. I was 18 and still in high-school when I moved out on my own.

The first person I ever lived with was my third girlfriend. My first was actually one of my closest friends, but we decided we didn't want to ruin the friendship and ended it after dating for close to six months. We still fooled around from time to time, but that was it. My second girlfriend was the one I told my parents about. We were dating for over a year when I told my parents. She broke up with me right after I came out because my parents told her parents we were dating. She said she had made a mistake and was just confused when we were together. Her parents forgave her when she started dating boys again. I knew she was doing it just to please them. A year later she had another girlfriend.

I met my third girlfriend a couple months after I told my parents. Actually, it was New Years Eve, 2000. I was at a party that one of my friends was throwing. Her name was Allison and she went to a different school and had graduated 2 years before, but lived in the same city as us. I had never met her up until that day. She was gorgeous. I saw her from across the room. I remember exactly what she looked like that night. She had knee high boots, a very short black skirt, with a red halter top. Her hair was blond and came down to the middle of her back. She had it pulled into a pony tail that night. I remember making eye contact with her. In that moment we knew we were attracted to each other. I gathered the courage to approach her and talk to her. She had taken ecstasy that night and gave me some. We ended up making out and having sex well into the new year.

A week later, I moved in to her apartment. Things were good with her, but something was off. I had a deep suspicion that she was seeing a bunch of other girls. I was right too. A couple months after living there, she actually brought one home. I was sitting in the living room and they just marched in the front door, right past me, and into the bedroom, slamming the door behind them, without even saying a word or looking at me. I had a job as an assistant receptionist at a small dentists office, so I started saving my money, and 7 months later, I moved out on my own. I found a house in foreclosure and bought it.

I barely made it by for over 2 years on the pay from the dentists office, and a second job I ended up getting serving shots at a strip club. I was barely 21 and walking around topless all night for not that good of money, plus I was going to school for my nursing degree. I had to quit after one year. All my money went to school and rent. For 2 years I couldn't do anything nice for myself, and I barely ever went out on the weekends or at night.

Eventually my best friend moved in with me to help make ends meet. She was working for an advertising agency, doing real basic paper work and filing forms and what-not. Thats how I got in. She put in a good word, and the owner hired me on the spot. It's a really small company, but it was a great job. Much better than showing my tits all day then taking appointments for a dentist. I've been working at the agency since around 2002 - 2003. I received a promotion in 2005 to secretary of the "talent agent," which is basically a fancy title for the guy who deals directly with the artists and designers, and is in charge of our in-house designers.

From 2004 to 2006, I dated a girl named Tina. Her real name was Kristina, but we all called her Tina. She was great, but she was bi-sexual. She told me from the beginning that she still wanted to sleep with guys, but she wouldn't be dating them or anything, and that she would only be my girlfriend, no one else's. I was cool with that...for a while. Close to the end, I was doing threesomes with her and her boy-toys. I hated it and had to end it with her. From November of 2006 to April 2008, I didn't have a single steady girlfriend. Just hook-ups here and there. It was such a lonely life. My friend moved out in 2005 after she got married to some guy. I haven't seen her since. He moved her out of state so he didn't have to deal with her family. He thought he was rescuing her. It was okay, though. With my new job at the agency, I had plenty of money for everything I need, plus some extra to do nice things for myself, like go to the bar and meet the love of my life...

In April, I met Taylor. At first, I had no idea she was in to girls. I met her at a bar near my house. She was working guys left and right for free drinks. The actual bar was a giant circle in the middle of the building. I sat on one side watching her on the other. Eventually she noticed that I was watching her and started giving me real devious, seductive glances. I returned bashful smiles back to her, thinking nothing of it. A little while later, she came over to me and bought me a drink. We talked until last call, then went back to my place. That night was the best night of my life.

April 18th, 2008.

I'll never forget that night with Taylor. She lied me on my belly in my bed, both of us completely naked, and she massaged every inch of my body for close to an hour. I tried to stop her and return the favor somehow, but she wouldn't have any of that. She said, "I could tell you were tense in the bar. The only thing that matters right now is that you feel good, and I'll do whatever it takes to make that happen." She did. All night.

We've been in bliss together ever since. I couldn't ask for a better person in my life. I can tell she is for real about us too. She doesn't want to rush anything. She wants to make sure me and her are absolutely ready for whatever it is we want to take on together. Like moving in together, for example. She doesn't want to just jump in to it. She's making sure we can afford it together by going through what we make and planning out how we will pay our rent for months, almost a year, in advance. She's slowly easing in to spending more time over here with me, to make sure we get along after being with each other for long periods of time. She's even out looking for new, cheaper apartments, since a house is a lot more expensive.

I have no idea how all this ended up coming out. I guess that's what happens during thunderstorms, when you start thinking about the past. Oh well, now you'll all know me a little better.

<3 Sarah <3
...

2 french kisses:.
6:25 PM
.:Masturbation and Making Out with Anne Hathaway:.

A little bit ago I decided to take a walk to the market a few blocks over from my house. On the way there, I ran into this girl who gave me the strangest comment. It wasn't really strange, it was just unexpected.

(Also, it's kind of meaningless for me to even post this since I don't want to put a picture of myself up here.)

The lady stops in front of me, lightly grabs my forearm, smiles, says, "You look exactly like Anne Hathaway," then walks away.

I can see some resemblances, but I really don't think I look like her. We have the same hair, lips, and nose. Thats about it though. I have big blue eyes and a little bit more round face. Her body is nicer, too. I weigh a tiny bit more than her. My boobs are bigger though lol. It was nice of her to say, anyways. Anne Hathaway is sexy.

I don't think the picture I posted is the best representation of Anne, and looking at it kind of takes away from the complement that woman gave me. Now I'm not going to be able to stop thinking about this.

Now that I'm home, I've gone on a porn spree. I think I am the only one out of every girl I know who likes to watch porn. Or, maybe I am just the only girl I know of who will admit to it. It's kind of like masturbation. None of my girl friends want to admit they do it, or at least not admit to how often they really do it. Why is that? Why are we afraid to admit it?

The weird thing about porn and I, is that the part I like the most, is watching the girls kiss. I can watch them use dildos and vibrators, double dildos, watch them eat each other out, lick each others ass (?), sixty-nine, use strap-ons, whatever. None of that does for me what watching them kiss does. Maybe it's because I love kissing so much. To me, kissing is the most important part of intimacy. How well a person kisses, I think, says a lot about their personality and how they feel or perform sexually. A person who kisses confidently and expertly is going to be the same in bed. A person who kisses bad either doesn't care that they kiss bad or is insecure, and I don't want to be in bed with someone who doesn't care and is unable to let go of their inhibitions.


I love kissing.


I'll be honest. I masturbate every day that I don't have sex. For the last however many years, I've had an orgasm every day. It's good for you. Seriously. It's refreshing and keeps you happy. At least, it does for me. It's a scientific fact that the chemicals released in your brain during an orgasm contribute to your mental well-being. They make you happy. Now, if that's not a reason to masturbate everyday, I don't know what is.

An orgasm a day keeps the sadness away.

<3 Sarah <3
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2 french kisses:.
3:33 PM
.:Blowjobs?:.

Having been a lesbian for many years, I have seen some things that some straight women may not notice as much as we do. For instance, the male obsession with lesbian women.

I had my first girlfriend in high school. We tried to keep it a secret and only tell our closest friends, but as expected, by the end of the week, the entire school knew. I didn't really care either. I was actually quite surprised how cool about it everyone was. None of my guy friends had any problem with it, and my girl friends sort of just, silently accepted it. They didn't like me any less, but they didn't mention it either.

It was in high school that I first came across the phenomenon of the male obsession with lesbians. Before I "came out," guys would hit on me and ask me out (most of the time I accepted the offer to maintain my cover) on pretty consistent basis, but it wasn't that much. I am not afraid to say that I was (and still am, I hope lol) a pretty girl. But after it was known that I was a lesbian, the amount of guys that hit on me and asked me out had doubled, at the very least.

I could not figure it out. Why would they try to get with me when they know I only like being with girls?

It didn't take long to figure it out though. They thought if they could get with me, they could get with me and my girlfriend, whoever she may be at the time.

Typical.

For close 10 years I've been fighting men off of me and my girlfriends. Taylor and I can't go out to the bar without getting at least one request for a threesome. I always say the same thing to these guys, "I like girls. Where did you get the idea that we would fuck you?" or something along those lines. They never have an answer. I don't even know why we have to point it out. Shouldn't it be common sense? Why do most men forget that lesbian means we don't have sex with men, and think that lesbian is just another word for bi-sexual? It blows my mind.

Last night, Taylor and I heard an excuse that we haven't heard before. We almost accepted the offer based purely on the fact that the guy was so quick and creative with this excuse. When we told him that we don't fuck men, he doesn't miss a beat and responds with...

"Then why don't you both just give me a blowjob? It aint sex. You won't be fuckin' a man."

I was impressed, but we politely denied his offer.

He was right though. Technically a blowjob isn't sex. The problem is, I've given a few blowjobs before, mainly during the phases I would go through in my late teens where I tried to convince myself I was straight so my parents would accept me. I'd meet up with a guy, go out for dinner, go back to his place, and start fooling around. I'd tell myself to fuck him, and to like it. I'd take his pants off, suck his dick a little bit, then stop and run out of the house. To be completely honest, I hate cocks. They gross me out a little. They are ugly. A vagina, on the other hand... I won't get in to that.

We ended the night without any males taking part in the fun, and unlike my teen years, I am absolutely sure that is the way I like it.

<3 Sarah <3
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0 french kisses:.
Sunday, September 28, 2008 12:36 AM
.:How Cute...:.

My baby fell asleep. She works at a very busy restaurant and bar, usually staying for really long shifts. Today she worked from 9am to 9pm. She says Saturdays are the busiest days at her restaurant, so she was all over the place the whole time. At least she made a lot of money. I was happy for her about that.

At first I was a little disappointed when she fell asleep. Who wouldn't be? But it's okay. She looks so peaceful. She is adorable when she sleeps. Plus, she had a long day. I wouldn't want to force her to stay up when she's so tired.

She loved the dress and the flowers. It fit perfectly. She had a hint of a tear in her eye when I gave it to her. We both love dressing up when we go out. Even if we aren't going anywhere fancy - most of the time when we go out, that's the case - we still like to dress up. She said she can't wait till we go out again so she can wear it. It's funny when we go to restaurants or clubs. The looks on some peoples faces are priceless. You can see them trying to figure out of if we are just friends out on the town, or if we are actually together, on a date. Sometimes people will gather the courage to ask us, but we don't tell them. That would ruin the fun.

I was thinking about my job today. I have the most cliche job a woman could have: secretary. It's horrible. Thankfully, it's for an interesting company. It's an advertising agency. We design ads for a lot of not-so-big companies. Many of them are smaller, in-state companies. I get to sit in on a lot of the meetings and see all these fabulous designs our artists and freelance artists come up with. It's pretty cool, but it can get boring. The good thing is they are very open-minded, my bosses. They don't care about the tattoos and piercings, or what we wear to work. It's always casual day at the office. And the hours are short. 9am to 3pm. The pay is okay, but it could be better.

I'm thinking about quitting. I really want to go back to school. I have 1 year of a degree in nursing finished. I could go back and complete it and have a job that's both rewarding and interesting. I just don't have the time or money. I could quit my job and have the time, but then no money. It sucks because I really want to finish it up. I feel like it's starting to get too late and I'm getting too old (God, I'm only 26 and I already feel so old!) to do anything with my life. It's such a horrible feeling. I guess we'll see what happens.

I should move Taylor to the bed, and I should probably get to sleep too. Goodnight.

<3 Sarah <3
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2 french kisses:.