Anyways, I'm minding my own business, looking through the filing cabinets, when she comes and stands next to me. I'm down on my knees looking through to bottom drawer, so all I see is her little legs next to me. I look up at her, and she's nervously touching her face and playing with her hair.
I stand up and ask her what's wrong, and she just shakes her head and says nothing. We get in to some meaningless small talk, when out of nowhere, she blurts out...
"Would you like to go out with me sometime?"
I was completely caught off guard. I had to maintain my composure, because as far as I knew, no one at work knows I am lesbian. But if that were true, why was she asking me out? I was so confused. I didn't know what to say. I just stood there and stared at her with this shocked expression on my face and didn't say a word.
I could tell she was so embarrassed. She covered her eyes with her hands and turned to walk out of the room. I felt really bad so I grabbed her arm and stopped her.
It turns out, a lot more people at work know about me than I had thought or hoped. I asked this lady (Kayla) how they all knew, but she didn't know. She said she figured out from over hearing my phone conversations with Taylor. She found out a few months ago. She said she heard me telling Taylor how great of a night I had with her and how I can't wait to see her again and how special she made me feel and blah blah blah. I realized at that moment that I had been a little too open with my cell phone calls while at work.So it turns out, she's bi-sexual, but is more in to girls. I've met a lot of girls and guys that are just like her. They like having sex with their same sex, but they still enjoy going out on dates with the opposite sex. As far as I know, based on all the bi-sexual friends I have, it's quite common. I asked her why she hadn't asked me out sooner. She said she was nervous because she wasn't 100% sure she was right about me. The only reason she finally asked is because of how attracted to me she is and that it was driving her crazy that she hadn't asked me out yet, so she bit the bullet and went for it. I was really flattered. She is a beautiful girl, and I would love to go out with her sometime.
But I can't. I can't do that to Taylor.
Kayla seemed quite upset when I reminded her that I had a girlfriend. I felt so bad for her. So I made a compromise. Taylor works all night tonight, so I told Kayla her and I could go out for dinner or some drinks, but nothing more, and that we are only going out as friends. She was happy with that and accepted the offer. I gave her a hug and she went back to work.
Am I making a mistake doing this? I felt so bad for the girl. She's only 21 and a real sweetheart. If I had to guess, I'd say she's been hurt a lot. This lifestyle we live can be very heart breaking sometimes. Well, I guess any sexual lifestyle can be heart breaking at times, it's just the confusion and isolation that comes with being gay can add to the heartache. I didn't want to be on the list of people that hurt this girl.
I'm going to tell Taylor about it, of course. It's not like I'll be doing this behind her back. I go out with lesbian friends of mine all the time and Taylor doesn't have a problem with it. She knows that I am very much in control of my sexuality. I have never cheated and will never cheat on any girlfriend, past, present, or future.
But for some reason, I still feel guilty and like I'm doing something wrong. I don't know why. Am I doing something wrong?
I'm leaving for dinner and drinks with Kayla at 5:30. I am so confident that this will be the most innocent night out, and I'm going to be on guard to make sure she doesn't try anything funny. But I still can't shake the thought that I might be making a mistake.
I'll let you all know how it goes.
<3 Sarah <3
1 french kisses:.