Kayla is such an amazing girl though. I learned a lot about her tonight. I knew a little bit of random trivia from working with her, but now, I feel like I've known her for years. She's very sweet, shy, and friendly. I look forward to hanging out with her again.
We ate at La Riviera. The food was fantastic. I, as always, only got ravioli and salad. It's all I ever order when I eat Italian. I'm comfortable with it, and I know I like it. I'm scared to try new things because if I don't like it, I would have wasted a dinner. I am a pussy about sending food back. I used to serve food sometimes at the strip club I worked at, and I would be so angry when guys would send their burgers or steaks back, so I hate to do that to other servers, and I feel like I might offend the cooks. I don't like to offend anyone.
After we ate, we went to this really fancy cocktail bar Kayla goes to often. I had only ever been there one time, but I was already drunk when I got there so I didn't notice much about it. It was beautiful. Very dim, with multi-colored fluorescent lights behind the shelves at the bar. The walls and floor were black tile. The tables, chairs and stools a dark wood brown. The bartenders and servers were all female and absolutely gorgeous. I felt like a loser, only ordering Grey Goose and tonics or Grey Goose and cranberry. So what? It's my favorite drink.
We talked about everything. I made a mistake with Kayla's age in my last post. I had always thought she was 21 for some reason, but she's actually 23. We discussed the hardships we've been through when coming out to our parents. For her it was extra hard because her dad is a Buddhist and actually very accepting of her life choices, but her mom was a strict Christian and wanted nothing to do with her, even though she is only bi-sexual. The worst part was, she didn't actually "come out," she got caught by her mom in bed with another girl.
Her parents fought and fought over it, and eventually filed for divorce when Kayla was 19. Her mom moved God-knows-where and hasn't been in contact since, but her dad is a huge part of her life. I was so happy for her, and so jealous at the same time. The way she made it seem, her and her dad are like best friends. It makes me miss my dad so much.
I remember when me and him used to be best friends. I think about those times almost every day. Going to baseball games, the park, to the mall, to amusement parks. Whatever I wanted to do, my dad would take me to do it, and unlike most of my friend's fathers, he actually enjoyed it. Most of the time, he would be the one to suggest the things we do. Saturday mornings, I'd wake up to him standing over my bed and he'd say, "We should go to Six Flags today. Whuddya think?"
We drank and talked and I left about 30 minutes ago. The whole drive home I thought about my parents. I can't believe how much I miss them. I started crying (and still am lol) because of how much I wish I could see them again. It's been 8 years since I've even talked to them. I still stay in contact with my step-brother (my dad's child from his first marriage) and he keeps me updated on how my parents are doing and them updated on how I am doing. It's so ridiculous that we can't speak to each other directly. It sounds so childish, but I just wish they would love me again.
I want to call them so bad. I don't know if I should though. One of two things will happen. Either I will get to see them again and try to work things out, or I will just be even more disappointed and upset when they refuse to speak to me.
I just want them to love me.
<3 Sarah <3
2 french kisses:.