When did sex become a chore? It isn't for me. I'm in a perfectly perfect (?) sexual relationship, but last night, I went out with Taylor and two friends of ours who are also husband and wife. We ate a lovely dinner, drank some wine, and talked about everything. It has been a few months since we've spent time together, so we had a lot to catch up on.
This particular couple is a happy couple, but not the happiest. They have their ups, and they have their downs, but they seem to have more downs than ups. What is unique about them is they aren't afraid to discuss their downs with other people in front of each other.
James (the husband) made it known that he isn't too thrilled about the state of their sex life. They civilly went back and forth with each other about things they do that they like and things they do that the other doesn't like. During this exchange, Rachel (the wife) said something along the lines of...
"Most of the time I'm just not in the mood. It just feels like too much work."
I couldn't believe that. I asked her what she meant, and she said something like she feels like she is expected to perform a certain way and that it involves so much effort for something so little. I was speechless.
Keep in mind, these two are about my age. James is 29 and Rachel is 27. They're young by all standards. How in the world have they hit a point where sex takes too much effort to be worth the time? Married couples in their late 50's and 60's would KILL to have the sex drive and stamina and health to have sex like they were in their 20's.
Is it just marriage that causes this? Could it be that after being with the same person so long, you simply just lose interest in sex with them?
Eventually I got Rachel alone at the bar and asked her those questions. Her answer to both questions was 'yes'. She made it very clear that she loved James more than anything and doesn't want to be with anyone else, but she also made it clear that if it was another guy that was trying to have sex with her, she would be much more motivated. It was sad to hear, but I have to admit, it makes sense. I like to think that I will never think like that, though, because to me, when I fall in love with someone who I want to spend the rest of my life with, that feeling alone would keep the sex from ever getting boring. If I started to feel like I needed someone else to fulfill me, then it would be obvious to me that I never really loved that person like I thought I did. I am confident this will never happen because I know when I really love someone.
I hope.
It just scares me to see things like that. I'm getting older now and getting to the point where, if it's ever legal, marriage will be in the near future. I want to settle down, get a house together, have a dog or something, and have a child - whether by adoption or artificial insemination, it doesn't matter to me. In fact, I'd prefer the latter because carrying a child is something I would love to do. Plus, I think children should be breast fed, and I couldn't feed a baby I didn't give birth to.
But like I was saying, it scares me because it makes me think all marriages are doomed from the start. Will Taylor and I lose our attraction to one another? Will we hate each other somewhere down the road? Get divorced? I don't want any of that. I want to be absolutely sure that we stick with what we start and stay happy throughout all of it. I trust Taylor with my life, but so did James and Rachel, and look at them now. It seems like what they are going through is out of their control. It just happened. Will it be the same for Taylor and I? I certainly hope not.
<3 Sarah <3
2 french kisses:.